"All the Lives I Want" by Alana Massey

FTC Disclosure: I received an e-ARC from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

I requested this book based on its subtitle - "Essays about My Best Friends Who Happen to be Famous Strangers." Essay collections are great to begin with -- add some pop culture commentary about people that are in my fairly limited scope of reference, and I am in!

Massey unpacks the way society views female celebrities like Britney Spears, Amber Rose, and Anjelica Huston. Writing about Lil' Kim and Nicki Minaj, she looks at the feud between the two and explores how the two were pushed into a beef they may not have necessarily wanted, forced to confront an artificial notion that there could only be one widely-recognizable female rapper. She looks at the ways Sylvia Plath has been idolized by young women and the precedent set for today's social media, explaining "Sylvia was an early literary manifestation of a young woman who takes endless selfies and posts them with vicious captions calling herself fat and ugly...The ongoing act of self-documentation in a world that punishes female experience (that doesn't aspire to maleness) is a radical declaration that women are within our rights to contribute to the story of what it means to be human."

Massey's book stands out most because she pairs these views with insights and experiences from her own life. She explores what Amber Rose means to her as a former stripper, and how she relates to Britney Spears' having to deal with incessant media coverage owing to her own struggle with an eating disorder. In each essay, Massey looks at how society is reacting to and consuming female celebrities and characters, how culture re-writes their stories and proscribes new personalities and meaning to them. She ultimately begins to look at how women can re-claim their icons and recognize these women for their varied strengths and dignities. She starts with what they mean to her.

Verdict: Affirmed. Whether you're a fan of pop culture looking for a deep but fresh take, or looking for new, honest writing about one woman's experiences, this essay collection is a great read.

"All the Lives I Want" by Alana Massey, published February 7, 2017 by Grand Central Publishing.

"Spinster" by Kate Bolick

FTC disclosure: I received a copy of this book through Blogging for Books in exchange for my honest review. I checked out the audiobook from my library through Overdrive.

Back in July I read & loved Rebecca Traister's "All the Single Ladies." Craving more reflective, feminist non-fiction, I decided it was finally time to get back to "Spinster," a book I had requested from Blogging for Books when it originally came out. I unfortunately got waylaid at the time with school and work and such, and then stupidly left the book in DC when I went back to NYC. Luckily, my hold came in on the audiobook just as I found the print copy, and good reading times were had by all.

Kate Bolick reflects on her own life and her great literary influencers in "Spinster." The novel is mostly memoir with some literary criticism thrown in. She structures her reflections on her life around discussions of the great literary women who have shaped her personal development - Neith Boyce, Maeve Brennan, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and Edith Wharton. If you're only a little familiar with these ladies, or maybe even haven't heard of them, don't be scared off. Bolick does a great job contextualizing them in both their own time and her own life, quoting from their work, sharing their biographies, and basically making sure readers understand why and how they impacted her.

At the heart of the book, though, is Bolick's gradual decision to reclaim spinsterhood, and revel in being an unmarried woman. Along the way she gives readers an intimately personal look all aspects of her life - personal and professional, and how various encounters and milestones shaped her outlook. Skimming the reviews on Goodreads, it seems the people who were disappointed with this book expected it to be something that it's not. Bolick's book is deeply personal, reflective, with a literary frame. If you're looking for broader cultural discussions, turn to "All the Single Ladies." If you'd like a more introspective examination of one woman's decision on how to live her own life, this is an excellent memoir.

Verdict: Jury's out - Just make sure you know what you're getting into. If you're not interested in learning about historical literary ladies alongside deep introspection, this isn't going to be a book for you. If that sounds like your feminist cup of tea, though, this is an excellent book.

"Spinster: Making a Life of One's Own" by Kate Bolick, published April 21, 2015 by Crown. Audio narration by Kate Bolick, published April 21, 2015 by Random House Audio.

"Shrill" by Lindy West

I've been casually bumping into the work of Lindy West online for a few years, without realizing it was coming from the same incredible, inspiring woman. I first heard from her on This American Life, when she confronted an Internet troll who impersonated her deceased father to harass her. She is also a vocal critic of rape jokes as comedy and the founder of the #ShoutYourAbortion campaign. Her recent memoir expands on these stories and her work as a fat acceptance advocate and journalist.

Prior to reading "Shrill: Notes From a Loud Woman," I didn't know that West writes extensively about her life as a fat woman. She is reclaiming the word "fat" as a simple descriptor, rather than a source of shame (it is her preferred term, and so the one I will continue to use throughout this post), and working to combat the many negative stereotypes and harmful slights and insults suffered by the overweight. I also didn't realize that the same woman was behind the three works I mention above. In her memoir, West traces how she came to be he outspoken advocate she is today - how she grew out of and worked to overcome intense shyness, how she developed her views, came into her voice as an advocate, and honed her skills as a journalist and pundit. She shares openly from her personal life, speaking of her marriage and the death of her father with courage and great love for her family. West writes and narrates her audiobook with wit, crass metaphors, and deserved pride in the woman she knows herself to be

At the heart of "Shrill," though, is a call to arms. Women, fat people, and really all marginalized people, need to be supported and recognized as fellow humans, not shamed for whatever feature society has arbitrarily deemed unacceptable. She writes about being a woman and being fat specifically because these are the communities of which she is a part. Her underlying message of acceptance and understanding, though, is one that we would all do well to take into all facets of our lives. 

Verdict: Affirmed. West is a force to be reckoned with, and a woman whose work I hope more will discover. I can't wait to see what she does next. 

"Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman" by Lindy West, published May 17, 2016 by Hachette. Audio narration by Lindy West, published May 17, 2016 by Hachette Audio. 

"All the Single Ladies" by Rebecca Traister

FTC disclaimer: I received a free e-ARC from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. I checked out the audiobook through Overdrive from my public library. 

Since I finished them both, I have been recommending Aziz Ansari's "Modern Romance" and Christian Rudder's "Dataclysm" together. They tackle the same topic, modern dating, in different research-based ways. They're basically the same book, but the former is told with more anecdotal, focus group-style social science and the latter is told through big data. You can read one and get the message of both if you're not up for two books on the same topic. But now, I've found the better complementary read to either of those books - Rebecca Traister's "All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation." Sure we're all dating differently with the rise of technology, but more and more women are also living alone and this is having profound effects on society. And maybe it should be having even more.

Traister explores the history of and recent increase in women embracing their singledom and living lives independently, whether by choice or circumstance. She discusses how this segment of the population has always existed, and how it is experienced differently in different demographic groups (while acknowledging that her interviewees skewed toward the college-educated). She discusses how women today come to live single lives for a variety of reasons - from conscious choice to unintended circumstances to a messy mixture of the two. The book covers a lot of ground. And she does this all without shaming anyone for their life choices or path. She shares stories from, and advocates for, all women, providing a vehicle for understanding and methods of supporting everyone's life choices. 

Most importantly, Traister explains how longstanding policies assume everyone aspires to marriage, or explicitly incentivize coupling up. She provides alternatives and policy goals to be pursued to ensure that women who do live alone are able to prosper. She convincingly makes the point that this segment of the population is growing and shows no signs of stopping. As a nation we should embrace them and get out of their way, making sure they have the resources they need to live healthy, happy lives, no matter the ultimate shape they take.

Verdict: Affirmed. Everyone should check out this book for an update on the state of women in America and how we can better support all women in their life choices. 

"All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation" by Rebecca Traister, published March 1, 2016 by Simon & Schuster. Audio narration by Candace Thaxton, published March 1, 2016 by Simon & Schuster Audio.